Flopears and the Fox

This is the second of Dad's Flopears stories. For the sake of readability, I'm typing this and the others in lower case, but keeping Dad's colour scheme and italics.

Flopears and the Fox

Once upon a time there was a wee bunny-rabbit called Flopears who lived in a burrow in the ground with his Mummy and his Daddy and his four brothers and his five sisters.
But Flopears was always hungry, he could never get enough to eat
One morning Flopears' Mummy came into the burrow with their breakfast, just one lettuce leaf for each wee bunny and as usual Flopears gobbled his share straight away. "Now can I have some more please Mummy. I'm still hungry". "Oh you are a greedy bunny Flopears" said his Mummy, "If you want anything else to eat you must just go away outside and find it for yourself".
"That is just what I will do" said Flopears and off he went hopity-hopity out of the burrow and away up the hill till he suddenly spied a lovely wood with beautiful green grass and nice bushes to hide in.
"What a great place to play in" he said to himself, "I will be able to find lots to eat here I know. Just then Flopears heard a gruff voice saying "How dare you come into my wood. Don't you know that I eat up any bunny rabbit who dares to enter here".
"Oh please Mr. Fox eat me up if you want but whatever you do don't throw me into that patch of nettles. I'd rather be eaten up than have to fall into these stingy nettles". "Oh what a good idea said the cruel fox, and he picked Flopears up by his ears and threw him far into the patch of nettles. "Ooh, Ouch, Wow", yelled Flopears as if he was being tortured and then he burst out laughing. "What a stupid fox you are. Rabbits love nettles, and I haven't had my breakfast yet, thank you very much, I'll be able to take some to my Mummy and Daddy too".
And that is what Flopears did and his Mummy said "Oh what a kind wee bunny you are to think about your family".

Flopears and the Silly Black Rabbit

Dad had a fund of Flopears stories, first rehearsed with Derrick, then Douglas and me, then in turn to all the next generation. He finally typed some of them out (on his Amiga computer in the living room) and gave them to Malcolm, with this hand-written covering note:

Dear Malcolm
I meant to correct & edit these stories but I haven't had much time recently. Someday maybe I'll do it.
Love
Grandpa Jock

I'm going to retype them here, one by one, for posterity. Dad used all upper case italics and many colours. As far as possible, I'm copying that too. He didn't type any titles, so I've made them up.
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FLOPEARS AND THE SILLY BLACK RABBIT

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A WEE BABY RABBIT CALLED FLOPEARS WHO LIVED IN A BURROW WITH HIS MUMMY AND HIS DADDY AND HIS FOUR BROTHERS AND FIVE SISTERS, AND FLOPEARS WAS A VERY HAPPY BUNNY AND VERY FOND OF LOOKING FOR ADVENTURES. WELL THIS MORNING JUST AFTER HIS MUMMY HAD GIVEN HIM HIS BREAKFAST OF TWO SMALL CARROTS FLOPEARS DECIDED THAT HE WOULD HAVE AN ADVENTURE AND MAYBE ALSO GET SOMETHING ELSE TO EAT. SO OFF HE WENT HOPPITY-HOP, HOPPITY-HOP UP THE HILL WHICH FLOPEARS CALLED HIS MAGIC HILL, BECAUSE HE ALWAYS HAD AN ADVENTURE WHEN HE CLIMBED IT. WELL THIS TIME WAS NO DIFFERENT. HE HAD NO SOONER REACHED THE TOP OF THE HILL WHEN HE SAW A HOUSE THAT HE HAD NOT SEEN BEFORE. THROUGH A HOLE IN THE FENCE FLOPEARS SAW LOTS OF LOVELY JUICY VEGETABLES AND OF COURSE HE SUDDENLY FELT VERY HUNGRY, SO IN HE WENT. BUT BEFORE HE COULD EVEN HAVE ONE BITE HE HEARD A VOICE, "HELP ME! HELP ME!" CRIED THE VOICE AND FLOPEARS LOOKED UP AND SAW A GREAT BIG BLACK RABBIT INSIDE A GREAT BIG BOX COVERED WITH WIRE. "GOODNESS" SAID FLOPEARS. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?" "I LIVE HERE" SAID THE RABBIT. "IT REALLY IS VERY COMFORTABLE AND I GET LOVELY OATMEAL AND TEA-LEAVES FOR MY DINNER". "COULD I SEE WHAT IT IS LIKE?" SAID FLOPEARS. "I'VE NEVER SEEN A HUTCH BEFORE". "WELL", SAID THE BLACK RABBIT "IF YOU JUMP UP AND PUSH THAT CATCH, I'LL LET YOU COME IN FOR ONE MINUTE". "OH! THANK YOU" SAID FLOPEARS AND HE PUSHED THE CATCH AND OPENED THE DOOR AND JUMPED IN. AS SOON AS FLOPEARS JUMPED IN THE HUTCH THE BIG RABBIT JUMPED OUT AND BANGED THE DOOR SHUT. POOR WEE FLOPEARS COULDN'T GET OUT. WHEN HE SAW WHAT HAD HAPPENED, HE SAID TO THE BIG RABBIT "THANK GOODNESS I'M SAFE AT LAST, NOW THESE BIG WILD ANIMALS OUT THERE WON'T BE ABLE TO EAT ME UP LIKE ALL MY FRIENDS, EVERYBODY ELSE BUT ME HAS GONE ALREADY". "OH!" SAID THE BLACK RABBIT, "I DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN UP. PLEASE LET ME BACK IN BESIDE YOU, I PROMISE I'LL LET YOU HAVE HALF OF MY OATMEAL". SO THE BIG RABBIT OPENED THE DOOR AND JUMPED IN AND FLOPEARS JUMPED OUT AND SHUT THE DOOR AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AT THE SILLY RABBIT.

Not George's Night

George is apparently away for a week, leaving Not George to entertain us all by herself. After a slightly nervous start, she soon began to enjoy herself and so did everyone else. For one thing, without George's massive Korg keyboard filling the stage, she had room to dance. For another, there was no need for her to smile bravely through George's doubtful vocals and interminable sax solos. In fact, Not George came of age last night as a solo bar-star in her own right. If she keeps this up, I'll be forced to learn her name. Did she get me up to sing with her? Maybe. Go girl! And George, don't hurry back.

Ratus ratus, by Pararegular

A reader, Pararegular, today left such a paratypical comment on an earlier post that I thought it worth promoting to a post in its own right. Any more stories like this, Mr. Pararegular, and I'll happily extend you authoring rights here. Seriously.
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So, Mr. Paraglider...

Great blog, by the way, but have you heard about the Paranormal rats? Yes, I said rats.

One should almost expect to see the odd vermin patrolling the vicinity of a crumbling 30 yr old hotel, but you don't expect to see them making an appearance in a throbbing Chalky's bar half way through a busy evening!

The first made a rather comic appearence, just as the second D.J. of the night was warming up.
He emergerged from behind the left-hand LCD screen, and boldly skipped and hopped all the way along the top of the wood paneling, pausing briefly to check out the crowd, before vanishing back behind the panelling via the right-hand LCD.
What made this even more surreal, was when the clientel started shouting and pointing, the unaware D.J. wrongly assumed the crowd were highly enthusiastic about the track he was playing, and almost took a bow!

The second was a few weeks later, and even bolder.
He appeared high up in the right corner at the bar, and took a stroll around the "clean" up-turned pint glasses, freaking out all chickens in the corner, before vanishing from whence he came!

The day after, the Manager stated one had been caught overnight, proudly holding his hands out in front of him like a fisherman grossly exagerating the size of 'the one that got away'!

I had been wondering what had happened to all the small roaches one used to spot now and again!