Rooney Tunes

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Football is bad news, for a Chicken. When Man U and Arsenal are on the big screen you might as well accept that you're invisible. Not even crossing and uncrossing the legs on a high bar stool has any effect. Sulking is pointless, tantrums get you barred and questions about the game are just unwelcome, especially meaningless ones, "What countries are playing? Who is your favourite?" Rugby isn't so bad. It's over sooner and besides, you can enjoy the man-fest. Cricket? No challenge. Most of us only watch the action replays after a big shout. Howzzaaat? Drop-dead gorgeous.

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